Sunday, March 11, 2012

Reflections on a Favorite Book


Our church has been holding a Lenten Lunch Series. Every week a different parishioner offers a book review as entertainment while we eat a soup lunch. The proceeds are going to help a church in Africa. Today was my day to present one of my favorite books, and here are my eager offerings for anyone who is interested. 

I have chosen one of my all-time favorite novels, The Picture of Dorian Gray. I have read and re-read this book probably three or four times now, because of its wit, characters, and accurate depiction of human nature. It shows the depths of our human depravity and the costliness of a life led in the pursuit of pleasure rather than of God.  In short, I like it, because it is funny, and because it is true.  True, not because the story actually happened, but because it is a mirror that reflects the realities of life. As someone once put it so well, “Fiction is the truth inside the lie.”

Just as a little background, the author, Oscar Wilde, was born in Dublin, Ireland in the mid 19th century. He studied at Oxford and settled in London where he fell in with an artistic crowd, which included W. B.  Yeats (the great Irish poet).  Oscar Wilde began his published career with mediocre poetry; however, he became famous for his comic plays (the most famous being “The Importance of Being Earnest”). The Picture of Dorian Gray is the only novel he ever published.

Oscar Wilde was immersed in the rising aesthetic movement of his day, which championed the supremacy of beauty and art and advocated the pursuit of all pleasure. This movement became known as the “new hedonism.” His novel, written later in his life, explores these themes and their ultimate ends.  To sum it up, it is the story of a man who sells his soul for eternal youth and beauty.

It all begins in a stately London home with Dorian Gray sitting for the well-known artist, Basil Hallward. Dorian is a wealthy, cultured, handsome young man, and he captivates Basil’s artistic imagination. While Basil is painting Dorian, Lord Henry enters. He is a witty devil figure who amuses himself by scandalizing his friends and propagating a life of pleasure seeking.  He admires Dorian’s youth and beauty, but deeply distresses him with a speech on their fleeting nature.

Speaking to Dorian:

“Let us go and sit in the shade,” said Lord Henry. “Parker has brought out the drinks, and if you stay any longer in this glare you will be quite spoiled, and Basil will never paint you again. You really must not allow yourself to become sun burnt. It would be unbecoming.”

“What can it matter?” cried Dorian Gray, laughing, as he sat down on the seat at the end of the garden.

“It should matter everything to you, Mr. Gray.”

“Why?”

“Because you have the most marvelous youth, and youth is the one thing worth having.”

“I don’t feel that, Lord Henry.”

“No, you don’t feel it now. Some day, when you are old and wrinkled and ugly, when thought has seared your forehead with its lines, and passion branded your lips with its hideous fires, you will feel it, you will feel it terribly. Now, wherever you go, you charm the world. Will it always be so?... You have a wonderfully beautiful face, Mr. Gray. Don’t frown. You have. And Beauty is a form of Genius—is higher, indeed, than Genius, as it needs no explanation… Yes, Mr. Gray, the gods have been good to you. But what the gods give they quickly take away. You have only a few years in which to live really, perfectly, and fully. When your youth goes, your beauty will go with it, and then you will suddenly discover that there are no triumphs left for you…

The conversation continues and Lord Henry urges Dorian, “Live! Live the wonderful life that is in you! Let nothing be lost upon you. Be always searching for a new sensation. Be afraid of nothing… A new Hedonism – that is what our century wants! You might be its visible symbol.”

Finishing their conversation in the garden, they re-enter the studio to see Dorian’s portrait complete.  And “the sense of his own beauty came on him like a revelation.” Staring at his own image, he began to grieve what time would do to his most impressive characteristics.

“How sad it is! I shall grow old, and horrible, and dreadful. But this picture will remain always young. It will never be older than this particular day of June… If it were only the other way! If it were I who was to be always young, and the picture that was to grow old! For that – for that—I would give everything! Yes, there is nothing in the whole world I would not give! I would give my soul for that!”

And so he pledges his soul if only the painting could bear the burden of age and infamy, allowing him to stay young forever. Over the next few weeks, Lord Henry’s influence grows stronger over Dorian as he becomes a disciple of the new hedonism and proposes to live a life dedicated to the pursuit of pleasure. Lord Henry enjoys the almost evil dominance he has over Dorian, and thinks to himself, “Talking to Dorian was like playing upon an exquisite violin. He answered to ever touch and thrill of the bow… There was something terribly enthralling in the exercise of influence. No other activity was like it.”

And so the story continues. Dorian falls in love with a young actress Sibyl, who performs in a theater in London’s slums. He adores her acting; she, in turn, refers to him as “Prince Charming” and refuses to heed the warnings of her brother that Dorian is no good for her. Overcome by her emotions for Dorian, she decides that she can no longer act, wondering how she can pretend to love on the stage now that she has experienced the real thing. Dorian, who loves her because of her ability to act, cruelly breaks his engagement with her. After doing so, he returns home to notice that his face in Basil’s portrait of him has changed.

“As he was turning the handle of the door his eyes fell upon the portrait Basil Hallward had painted of him. He started back as if in surprise. Then he went on into his own room, looking somewhat puzzled. After he had taken the button-hole out of his coat, he seemed to hesitate. Finally he came back, went over to the picture, and examined it. In the dim arrested light that struggled through the cream-colored silk blinds, the face appeared to him to be a little changed. The expression looked different. One would have said that there was a touch of cruelty in the mouth. It was certainly strange.”

Dorian learns the next day that the actress has killed herself in her grief, and he hides his portrait in a remote upper room of his house where no one can see it. For “it held the secret of his life, and told his story. It had taught him to love his own beauty. Would it teach him to loathe his own soul?” This picture would become his visible conscience, “the symbol of the degradation of his sin. Here was an ever-present sign of the ruin men brought upon their souls.” And so Dorian goes on to delve deeper and deeper into his hedonistic lifestyle, and his portrait bears the image of his choices. “What the worm was to the corpse, his sins would be to the painted image on the canvas. They would mar its beauty, and eat away its grace. They would defile it, and make it shameful.”

For a brief moment, Dorian wants to repent, but Lord Henry steps in to prevent this. And so the battle for Dorian’s soul will continue to rage, and the bitter lesson will be learned…For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his own soul?

Sunday, February 12, 2012

With Thanksgiving

It has been three months since our last update, and I feel a bit overwhelmed at the thought of recapping three months of life in one post... So I won't. However, the last few days, I have felt compelled to make thankfulness a priority in my spiritual life. Being thankful is not my natural attitude; in fact, I am quite horrible at it. God has been subtly yet consistently pointing this out to me through different means, most obviously through a recent immersion in the Psalms (which always tend to show me my own lack of thanksgiving) and Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts. In truth, there are many things in my life that should turn my heart towards God with thanksgiving, but I most often choose to think about what disappoints me in life. I am praying that God will start to change me and fill me with His joy that rises above all circumstances. So as I start to learn how to focus on God's blessings, I hope to keep note of some of those observations here...

We have now been in Scotland almost five months, and as the cold and dark have crept upon us, we have found our new friendships to be growing warmer and brighter. Moreover, we have been continually encouraged and blessed by our church, St. John's. A long three year exploration and journey into the Anglican Church culminated this morning as Jordan and I participated in Confirmation. It was with great joy that we stood beside friends and reaffirmed our faith and baptism. We have taken seriously the decision to join the Anglican Church as we feel that God has drawn us down this road. Our relationship with Christ has been deeply enriched through the ministry of the Anglican Church during this season of academic study for Jordan. For all these things I am truly thankful.

May God bring to my mind His blessings at all times!

Saturday, November 19, 2011

The Hilleberts Hit the Highlands


Hotels have been my existence for the last few weeks while going through job training for DFS. While it has been less than ideal to live out of suitcases while eating bad hotel food far away from Jordan, it was a wonderful excuse for Jordan to come join me for a few days and explore the city of Inverness -- the capital of the highlands. This city has been beautiful and a much needed escape from the granite walls of Aberdeen.


A large river runs straight through the city. We deeply enjoyed walking up and down the riverside soaking up the beauty and fresh air. We passed many people walking their dogs which made me really miss Leia... she would have loved it. 





On Sunday we were able to visit a beautiful Scottish Episcopal church (pictured below). It is heartbreaking to see so many beautiful cathedrals in Scotland with so few parishioners. Congregations are very small here (for example, the church we attend in Aberdeen has probably 30 people on an average Sunday), and that is quite normal in the UK. 

The Cathedral Church of St. Andrew


It was quite interesting to see that once you get this north in Scotland, you start to see Gaelic on all the signs.


One of the treasures we found in the city was a used bookshop called Leaky's. It was Jordan and Krisi heaven. Jordan actually went back later without me and bought me an original copy of a book that C.S. Lewis wrote on 16th century literature. It is hard to find C.S. Lewis's literary criticism now a-days. What a treat!


Last but not least, we were able to take a tour of Loch Ness (monster pictured below). The ruins of Urquhart castle lie on its shore.

Nessie!


Urquhart Castle



Friday, October 21, 2011

One Incredible Week

We are eager to report on God’s faithfulness to us here in Aberdeen! As Psalm 105 urges us: “Oh give thanks to the Lord… make known His deeds among the peoples… tell of all His wondrous works!” God has done wondrous works for us indeed! In a time of feeling completely out of control, He has guided us.

We have a home, and Krisi has a job!

Our New Kitchen... More pics of the flat coming soon!
When we arrived about a month ago, we quickly realized that the renters market here is incredibly competitive. A property would list and be taken within hours. This process proved very frustrating. Being a seller’s market, customer service was often non-existent – we would set a meeting to view a flat, and no one would show up (which can breed a very bad attitude I learned when you walked 1.5 miles just to get there).  However, in retrospect, we truly believe that all these failed attempts were God protecting us from taking something that was less than His best for us. He has provided a flat .5 miles from Jordan's office and .2 miles from Krisi’s new job (which she starts on Monday). This is such a blessing to truly be able to do life here without a car.

After three interviews, Krisi was offered an administrative job with DFS (a large furniture company here in the UK). It feels much like Rooms To Go but focuses on sofas. Her position will include processing orders, overseeing deliveries, and handling customer service calls. 

As you can imagine, we feel much relief at having the “search” part of this transition completed! Now we can begin to settle in and create our new rhythms.  Thank you very much for praying for us.

Jordan’s research is progressing well, and he is loving every minute of it! The community here has embraced us warmly, and we feel so blessed. 

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Greetings from Scotland!

King's College Chapel: Home of the Divinity Department
We made it! We arrived in Scotland on Wednesday and have found it is quite a whirlwind to set up life in another country. We are currently staying with some friends (Randy and Katie) while we try to find a flat, so life is being lived amongst suitcases and unpacked boxes, but we are so grateful to be here. The most fun has been soaking up the heavy local accents, walking through the old cobblestone streets of Aberdeen, and enjoying the perfect 50-60 degree weather. 

Jordan had his first meeting with his supervisor, John Webster, and is already buried in books - his happiest place! I am continuing to search for a job, but I have been encouraged by the locals who say that Aberdeen has the lowest unemployment rate in the whole UK (somewhere around 3%). Nonetheless, we are a bit anxious without a source of income right now.

So while we try to figure out that we are standing in a "que" and not a "line," that we are getting on a "lift" and not an "elevator," meanwhile trying not to get hit by all of the cars driving on the left instead of the right, we are trying to enjoy these early moments and trust God. It is such a joy to see Jordan so excited to start his research!

Thank you for your prayers regarding our travels, and we ask for your continued prayers to cover us.

New King's

College Bounds: Main street through campus


Where the River Don meets the North Sea

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

A Bitter-Sweet Day


Today brought some terrific news and a rather unexpected hurdle. This morning, we sold our Honda Civic, thus providing us with the remainder of the funds needed to pay for our first year of tuition! We thank God for His provision and feel incredibly blessed to be able to pay for our first year of doctoral work without taking out student loans. To our disappointment, however, Krisi also discovered today that she will not be able to continue working for her current company while in Scotland. We had anticipated her being able to keep her job overseas, and we are a little apprehensive at the prospect of suddenly finding a new job in Aberdeen. Please pray with us that we will continue to trust in God’s gracious provision.
"It is the LORD who goes before you. He will be with you; He will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed" -Deuteronomy 31:8